Life in a Tropical Paradise

Ever dream of living in a tropical paradise? I did. And now I do.

Many expats tell the same story about how they came to be here. Took an exotic vacation, fell in love with the island, the people, the culture, went back home and just had to come back. That's pretty much the way it happened for me.

I'm living my dream here in legendary Bali. It's a beautiful tiny island in the middle of the Indonesian Archipelago, anchored in the Indian Ocean. The entire inland of the isle is divided by countless gorges. Some are river gorges, some host ageless terraced rice paddies.

They all make for stunning views and scenery, but there are no bridges spanning these chasms, so you have to go around them to get from point A to point B. This makes a road trip somewhat more interesting and time-consuming. But then again, the old saying about time being relative takes on a whole new meaning here. One just has to learn how to sit back, enjoy the sights and relax...you'll get there when you get there. And chances are that when you do get there, wherever there is, you've just missed whoever you went there to see. The Balinese are famous, or infamous as the case may be, for their total lack of timing. To them, later may be later today, or maybe tomorrow, or perhaps next month.

Learning the ropes. Some of the things we had to learn here was how to slow our pace, curb our impatience and accept those things we cannot change. In the process, we get a lot of chuckles and outright belly laughs from our experiences. Here's a list of other things we had to learn:

• So when you make you "to-do" list for the day, never expect to complete every item. If you do, it'll be a pleasant surprise as well as a bragging point. But chances are, you will need to return to at least some of thoses same places at least two more times, or you will have to pass go without collecting $200.


• Never presume that you will actually find what you're looking for. In Indonesia, no store carries a complete line of items geared toward a single task, process, or theme. You can get the tools from the hardware store, but you must go somewhere else to find the screws or nails you need. The textile stores will sell you some fabrics, but maybe you also want to buy a light bulb there -- but only the 25-watters. Oh, and no, we don't have sewing threads.


• Never presume that anyone actually comprehends what you have just spent 2 hours explaining in painstaking detail. Unless you are talking to another bule (westerner), it's all most likely falling on deaf ears.


• Always ask all the questions -- no matter how dumb or obvious it seems to you. If you don't pick everything apart with a very fine-toothed comb, it will come back and bite you in the arse every time.


• Expect the unexpected! Usually, we find the unexpected in the form of a pleasant experience. For instance, out in the middle of seemingly nowhere, something totally awesome looms before you; or you just stumble upon someone who embodies the answer to your most fervent prayers.


• Never mind the traffic. The Balinese have never met a traffic light or lane line they wouldn't cross. When you stop at an intersection, be prepared to have a horde of motorbikes crowding every available space, and horns beeping in anticipation of the green light. The Balinese know no time when on foot; but put a motorbike under their butts and watch them transform into road demons -- weaving dangerously in and out of traffic; shooting out from cross-streets and alleys with nary a glance toward oncoming (I don't think anyone ever told them what the little mirrors are for, either); and entire families balanced precariously on a single tiny motorbike. When on motorbikes, their mission is to (hopefully) get where they are going by any tactics necessary and as quickly as possible.

So you want to retire? When my husband and I moved here, we thought we were taking early retirement. Hah! One can only loll about, doing nothing for so long. So, much as we enjoyed hanging out in our garden pool, basking in the tropical sun, and riding aimlessly around the island, we just had too much (unproductive) time on our hands. Eventually, our thoughts turned to things we could do just for kicks. Ultimately, these morphed into plans to market some of our creative endeavors. Why not? A little extra pocket change would be a good thing.

So he started making his "floating dragonfly", carved from bamboo and balanced on a stand where it can "float" in the breezes. Later, we stumbled upon another craft - wood carvings from parasite wood - which he decided he could take to a new level. Meanwhile, I was busy with a favorite hobby of mine - crafting.

I'm from the Mid-Atlantic region of the U.S. where Christmas always means cold, wintry weather and sometimes snowy landscapes. Well, here in the tropics, it's difficult for me to get stoked for Christmas, much less get in the spirit. But I love the Christmas season, the decorating, etc. And living among Hindus and Muslims who don't celebrate Christmas to begin with, makes all the hoopla seem rather pointless. So, determined to have my Christmas season, I set out to make everything Christmas -- even a Bali Christmas tree. I have them made from alang-alang (the roof-thatching grass) and bamboo for the framework. All of my ornaments I make the prototypes for, then train and hire workers to make more. By the way, all of our stuff is farmed out to the local craftspersons and artisans. First, one person cannot possibly make enough to fill orders and maintain inventories; second, people here need the work to support their families; and third, we need time to manage, market and promote our business.

It's important to know the nature of the beast. Not to forget, we are living in a third-world country. Indonesia is so far behind the rest of the world, it's like going (way) back in time. You can be certain that any and all modern conveniences, products, attitudes and standards to be found here have been imported and established by foreigners. Though many of the Chinese Indonesians did certainly lay the groundwork by at least making the basics available through more convenient outlets. The typical Balinese has no head for business, nor any activity that requires decision-making skills.

The primary reason for this, in my opinion, is that the Balinese have traditionally lived in kampungs (family enclaves), banded together into banjars (groups consisting of about 100 neighboring families); a variable number of banjars make up a desa (or village). All decisions are made jointly, either within the kampung, or by the banjar, or the village. No one is encouraged, or even allowed, to make a decision individually because that decision will impact an entire group. For instance, when a Balinese wants to sell his house or land, he must get approval from the family, then from the banjar, and ultimately from the village authorities. Even the buyer, at some point, must also establish an agreement with these groups. (If one understands the concept of communistic lifestyle, then one can grasp the modus operandi of traditional Balinese living.) This aspect alone will frustrate many an outsider. The approval process will cause countless delays in many business transactions or permit acquisition. Another complicating factor is jealousy. Those people who manage to rise above the standard are often looked upon with great envy, which often turns to outright hostility. The naivete of the Balinese people, especially of those outside the major tourist areas, can be both their charming appeal and your undoing.

After all, this is Bali. It all sounds so strange, doesn't it? And it is -- but it's also quite wonderful. Whoever thought this shy little country girl, born and bred in America, would travel to a foreign land and find a new home there! The politics here don't bother us much as they only look different than the American version. But, at the heart of it all, it's still just politics. The corruption and graft are out front here; in America, we do it behind closed doors under the guise of diplomacy or some trumped-up "noble" cause. All the same.

It's kinda like language..only sounds different to the untrained ear. Speaking of which, trying to learn Indonesian has been a five-year exercise in futility for us. Oh, yeah, we've learned a good bit of vocabulary, and some handy phrases, even some complete sentences. But trying to learn a language that is so diverse and colloquial is frustrating, to say the least. Even the government cannot produce a standardized test for literacy. I know this because about 3 years ago, there was talk by the government to administer a literacy test to foreigners who applied for resident visas. This plan was quickly abandoned when it was discovered that even natural citizens could not pass the test. It seems that every province, every region, every village down to the banjars, have different ways of saying the same thing. So go figure. Is it any wonder that no one understands me?